From Whore, With Love.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and in the insanity of preparing the new house, packing the old house, doing as much writing as possible, having an incredibly stressful time at work, and taking a class online... I have neglected to do anything to celebrate my #1 Lady. We've never been big on the minor holidays in my family (Grandparents' Day? Guy Fawkes Day? Who cares?). But this year, I do want to acknowledge the awesomeness that is Mama Ger. 

I spent a big part of my younger years looking out for her, very much in the way she was looking out for me – I just didn't know it. Her parenting style was very laissez-faire. I made my mistakes (plenty) and cleaned up the messes, having been warned that my actions have consequences. Every lesson I learned growing up with her stuck hard. I give her a ton of credit for never uttering the words, “Because I said so.” There was always a good reason, and I was always allowed to argue it. 

What she lacked in the kitchen (I perhaps ate the same 5 meals repeatedly over a 10-year period) she made up for in street smarts. Among the invaluable things I have learned from her:

• You can smoke pot, but don't overdo it, or you might forget what your mother looks like, and you will FREAK OUT.
• If you do acid, don't catch sight of yourself in a mirror.
• Dating 2 guys at once can be fun, and it's not wrong to borrow one of their cars to take the other one out.
• There is no such thing as an “inside voice.”
• Pay more than the minimum payment on your credit card every month, and always a few days early. They will be throwing 0% APR cards at you in no time and your credit score will be awesome.
• Say what's on your mind always. If people get pissy or offended, you probably shouldn't be around them anyway. The ones who stay will show you everything you need to know about love and tolerance.

Ger, even though this year on Mother's Day I will be laying a vinyl floor instead of showering you with scented candles and potted hyacinths, I will forever be grateful to you for being the MOST FUN person I could have spent the last 30 years getting to know. Your method of parenting may have been wild enough to make Mary Poppins hemorrhage and bleed out of her ears... but I had a great fucking time.